The Paradox of Self Awareness
Knowing you is the foundation of your Sparkle
Self awareness. Yeah, that is a beast of a topic both for someone to discuss and for someone to acknowledge. It feels like you are opening yourself up by admitting what you know about your strengths and faults; and then when someone agrees — it hurts even though they are confirming what you just said. You can name your own flaws out loud and still feel gut-punched when someone agrees with you. That’s the paradox of self-awareness; it hurts even when you’re the one holding the mirror.
Even with all that brain-fuckery; self awareness is the largest and most important step to the “sparkle”.
For me, there were some clear markers that started very early on in life. My parents love to tell two stories to anyone who will listen and I think they both perfectly explain the foundation that made me. Settle in for a little story time!
Every quarter on my report card my teachers would take that extra moment to so kindly tell my parents that “Cate loves to talk. She needs to learn when the appropriate time is to speak and when to listen.” Well, when I hit 4th grade, I apparently was tired of taking the high road and decided that I knew better and my teacher, whom I did not like at all, was the idiot in the room. My parents found this out when they got a call at home asking if they would come in for a teacher’s meeting that afternoon. My mom was able to make it and remembers vividly when my teacher said,
“Cate was answering her classmates’ questions instead of letting me, so I asked her to be quiet for the rest of the lesson. During a moment where I walked out of the classroom to talk to another teacher, I returned to find her leading the entire class for the remainder of the lesson… including writing on the board and calling on students. Although I appreciate the initiative, when I asked her to take her seat, she refused by saying, ‘No thank you, I know more than you about this, I don’t need you.’
— yeah, that is on brand, I know. 🤪
The second story is much shorter but it happened all the time. My parents discovered that people would TELL ME THINGS; deep, personal, non-kiddo things and do it often. I would go to a Christmas party with them at 7 years old and come home knowing who was getting divorced, who hated their gifts, and who wasn’t doing well at work. Grown adults would confide in me, near constantly, and I always had “the tea” as they say… even when it was wildly inappropriate to do so. (No 9yo girl needs to know why you left your husband or why you hate that woman over there!)
So, yeah, these make me laugh now; but I spent plenty-a-time cringing whenever I heard them played back for me like we all do. But, I learned, these are not stories that you hide from, these are the stories that you embrace and mine for gold. These are the stories that help you develop an understanding of your sparkle.
What do these two stories tell me about Me?
I am confident in my knowledge base and in my ability to lead. It also shows I create an immediate feeling of trust and/or transparency in my interactions. On the other hand, they tell me that I lack self control, am incredibly stubborn, and don’t “read the room” very well in social situations.
This isn’t the full story of Cate. This isn’t all the nuances of my strengths and weaknesses, but this is a LARGE foundation that I can build from when I want to identify what makes me… ME and then how to articulate and advocate for that.
Remember, if YOU cannot tell someone these nuances then how can you communicate or defend your wants and needs in the workplace? You have to know YOU best so you know where to direct your energy, who is the right village to have around you, and when to step up or step away in an interaction.
I spent years trying to sand down the edges those stories revealed. Now? I acknowledge and celebrate what they communicate about Me when someone hears them. Your foundation isn’t there to be judged or graded; it’s there to be the wireframe of what you build and how you build it.
What story comes to mind when you think about the foundation of your sparkle?